An Ode to Army Men

Obviously, I don't post very often. However, today I looked at my journal and sighed. Last year, it was so convenient for my journal (the actual book) to run out of pages right around New Year's - and yet, this year, it's now Valentine's Day and there are several pages left.

In the past, I have remedied this problem with what I like to call "The Brain Candy Solution". In other words, instead of prattling on about my life and my exceptionally perceptive and profound opinions of it, I write about something completely, utterly and giddily (is that even a word?) fun.

When I was a girl, my family (being an Army one, and therefore far from most of our relatives most of the time) would take road trips. Long, long, looooooooooong road trips. This is back before portable dvd players, iAnythings, Sirius stations...hell, at this point, we didn't even have CASSETTE walkmen.

Thankfully, our parents had excellent, if ecclectic, taste in music. We grew up listening to everything from the Beatles and the Stones to Donna Summer and Dolly Parton. I have a full appreciation for Andrew LLoyd Webber and Roger Whittaker, for the Four Seasons, the Beach Boys, Elvis Presley and Sly and the Family Stone. Just like the beat, the list goes on... but you get the point.

Oh, I should add, Hank Williams, Jr..

I now have a playlist that is a collection of my favorite songs from these car trips and am very much enjoying it. Naturally, I sing along. Now, for a woman, I have a fairly deep singing voice (my sister in law is a music teacher and she says it's a "true alto"), so I've always gotten more enjoyment from male singers, since they're the ones with whom I can sing along. (I will say I have been working on diversifying a bit more ever since Crikey asked me "Mom, are there ANY woman singers - I mean, besides you and Aunt Mena?")

What do people most often sing songs about? Good times, love, sex, sad times, love, sex, drinking, love, sex... I'm not sure if anyone reading here sees the problem...

As a straight woman singing along with male singers - many of these songs just don't ring true to who I am or how I feel about the songs' content. Therefore, rather early in my life, I would start adjusting the lyrics to fit my own perspective. Generally, the changes have been small (but important), changing "girl" or "woman" to "boy" and "man" (and so on). But one song...

I recently had the epiphany that almost every single romantic relationship of mine has been with a man in the Army. First love, first boyfriend, husband...all Army. Just at the moment of that epiphany, the song "Texas Women" by Hank Jr. came on. I found myself singing almost completely different lyrics and if I don't say so myself, the results are pretty damn cute.

Therefore, I shall share.

With some caveats.

1) This in NO WAY is intended to reflect poorly on the civilian men I know. As my sister pointed out (an observation with which I wholeheartedly agree) I have an UNUSUALLY good looking group of friends. Yes, you are very, VERY attractive. However, I am sure you've all noticed that I'm not sleeping with any of you - so it should come as no surprise that my attention was caught elsewhere.

2) Hank was pretty proud of his hard living, hard partying ways; this is reflected in his music. I kept one or two of the more risque lines because they just fit so well. They are being used metaphorically. :D

3) I couldn't always find appropriate words to rhyme...so I just went with rhythm. For example, the only word I could think of for battalion was stallion...and where that would lead us is just a little too "late night" for (even) my blog.

One last note before diving into the lyrics - every time I travel by air, especially into and out of the Atlanta airport, I see so many troops. No matter how old I may get, or how jaded I may feel, the sight of those men and women make my heart swell with gratitude for the sacrifices they make and their willingness to risk their lives for our safety, our freedom - and with affection, since, having grown up on a Basic Training base, I can recognize the newbies...how young they are, how lonely they usually are and how far they are from home.

That's my first reaction. The second (this time only focusing on the majority - the men):

OH MY OH MY OH MY...GOD BLESS AMERICA - THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

"Army Men" (with my compliments to Hank Jr.)

I've gotten fond memories of Philadelphia
And I've seen some handsome men in civie's clothes
But the best looking men between me and you,
Are all in the Army, decked in BDUs

I'm a high class bad ass
And I've got plenty of sass
And I don't high roll but I have lots of friends
Who may think I'm nuts
And so wish me luck
But I live to love
Army Men

I thought I'd seen sexy in chic, trendy places
Til I looked upon those Airborne faces
Seen dandys who work up on Capital Hill
But they've got nothing on the boys from Kelly Hill

(I'm a high class bad ass...)

I'm a pretty fair judge of the opposite sex
And I ain't seen nothing that will touch'em yet
They may be Green Berets or Ranger Battalion
The one thing about it - they're all in the Army

(I'm a high class bad ass...)

I've been born and bred
To be well behaved
But my hair is red, well so is my blood
And they make it boil
With those hot ACUs
And I love'em all
Army Men