"Doesn't 'Diablo' Mean Devil?" and Other Ways Men Show Their Love

No. Men are NOT the devil - that is NOT where I am going with this. "It takes a village to raise a child" - I have no idea who said this, but I hear it a lot. 

I grew up in a karate dojo on Ft. Benning. Unfamiliar with Ft. Benning? Allow me to describe: BIG. FREAKING. ARMY. BASE. Unfamiliar with dojos? Allow me to describe: STUDENT ROSTER MOSTLY MEN. So, my village had more than its fair share of Airborne Rangers (yes, as in "I wanna be an Airborne Ranger..."), soldiers from Kelly Hill (a.k.a. Nirvana for single women) and a few good southern gentlemen (both as peers and adults) thrown in to represent the civilian side of my upbringing. 

This may have been an unorthodox environment in which to raise a little girl, but I wouldn't trade it. Obviously, it's beneficial to know how to defend myself and bullies now only amuse or irritate me. However, my favorite gift from my village is my understanding of men. (of course, I have a corresponding LACK of understanding of women - other than myself - but that's another blog entry).  

Naturally, I don't know everything there is to know about men. Of course not. However, when I listen to women complaining about men, I think it's safe to say that I understand more than most (women, that is). Over the years, I've often played the role of translator between my friends and their significant others. Here in the Cyber Age, it makes sense to put some of these observations to "paper" (oh yeah, I said paper. I kick it old school - at least metaphorically). 

One of the biggest miscommunications seems to be in the form of interpreting affection. For you men, the most consistent thing I have found in women is that THEY DIG WORDS. Tell her, tell her, tell her (with WORDS) that's she's pretty, you love her, she's great in bed...whatever. Yes, you said it yesterday - but today is new. Her hair is different (at least to her) her makeup's a different shade...whatever. It seems repetitive, but this will save you time, money, aggravation and arguments. Just fucking say it again. I would add more here...but for now, fellas, that's all you need to know. See, we're not that complicated. (okay, we are, but to go into what we're asking vs. what we're REALLY asking - but that's another blog post) 

Now. 

For the women: MEN DIG ACTION. Words are nice, but not, Not, NOT their main form of, well, anything. For men, words are about giving waiters orders, discussing sports (which is a not a sexist statement - read on), inquiring about the location of the remote control and describing their favorite pretty parts of the women they admire. To them: TALK IS CHEAP. The example I most often use to describe this: MEN. You can build a house with nothing more than bare materials and your hands, work sun up to sun down until that place was BUILT...but if you don't say "I love you", she'll worry about your devotion. WOMEN. You can say "I love you" 1000 times a day, but if you don't back it up with behaviors (physical affection, especially sex) he's going to doubt it. Tell him you respect him. Sure, that's good. However, if you never EVER take his advice (action!) he isn't going to believe you. 

It never ceases to amaze me how many women rate men on the gifts they buy. Men tend to be throw away generous with their money. Since women like gifts, men have learned that an easy way to impress a gal is to just get her something shiny. Women - do you really, REALLY want to know if your man loves you? Don't look at the money - look at the TIME. How much time did it take to go online and order flowers? How much time did it take to build that freaking house? See? 

Unlike women (strongest when they have big, fat problems to face together) men bond over fun. Happy things. You want to bond with your man? Pick something he likes to do (ACTION) and do that with him. Obviously, pick something you don't hate, otherwise you'll suck the joy right out of the experience when he figures out that you're just doing it for him (believe it or not, unless he's a sadist - which means you should RUN - he doesn't enjoy your misery). Even if it's an activity that does NOT rock your world, the bond you'll enjoy with your guy DOES. See? If you MUST have talking - there is still hope. This brings us to sports. For men, sports is that international safe zone - they don't have to think of things to say (the games have already happened) and even if The Team lost, they benefited (bond!) from the experience of watching/playing it. 

"But my man doesn't follow/I hate sports" - fine. Pick something he does follow/you don't hate. 

Does he do online gaming? I promise he'll enjoy talking about his avatar, or the quest he's currently on. You know your man (or, if you don't, this would be the time to take a closer look). He must have some sort of interest in life, otherwise he's so boring he probably doesn't have a woman anyway. "But I hate sports (gaming, etc.)!" Well, chances are, he hates talking. This is compromise. "But we have really big problems to discuss!" If it's an emergency, of course he has to suck it up and talk about the real subject matter. However, if you've put in enough "sports" talk, it's going to be INFINITELY easier to get him to talk about other things - because he is now comfortable talking with you at all. 

Also, just like women, men speak in codes. A woman may ask "is she prettier than I am?" when she really means "even though (I believe) that woman is clearly prettier than I am, do you love me so much that you are happy you wake up next to me instead of her?". Believe it or not, men do the same thing. When he goes on and on about baseball stats, or the new arrival at Game Stop - it's his way of satisfying his need for human interaction and bonding. YES IT IS. Stop arguing. IT IS. "But why doesn't he just talk to me about (whatever it is you'd rather he talk about - probably of an emotional/relationship nature)?" The answer is simple. FOR THE EXACT SAME REASON YOU DON'T REALLY ASK ABOUT HOW THE OTHER GIRL IS CLEARLY PRETTIER. 

In short, it is uncomfortable to be so vulnerable. Even, or maybe especially, with the person you love most in the world. But what does all of this have to do with "diablo" meaning "devil"? I have recently fallen in love with the movie The A-Team. Liam Neeson (Hannibal), Bradley Cooper (Face), Quinton "Rampage" Jackson (Bosco) and (oh, my God in Heaven I love) Sharlto Copley (Murdock). For love interest/token female role, Jessica Biel plays Cpt./Lt. Charissa Sosa. The movie is fun, funny, very well acted and an all around good time. 

It is also an excellent portrayal of how men who love each other show it. Do the characters run around talking about how supportive they find one another...or complimenting the (considerable) talents of each A-Team member? Oh. Hell. No. That is NOT how men roll. The one, repeat ONE, weak link is the writing for Sosa. Biel is great - I really like her as a person and she is great actor. Sosa, however, starts out as a total bitch. She comes around (naturally), but in her first scene, the viciousness with which she treats Face is ridiculous. Even Murdock, resident goofball and comic relief, is appalled. Does he tell her off? Does he talk to Face about how (Face) deserves to be treated better? No and no. 

Scene at face value: Sosa has just made several rapid fire comments designed to hurt/intimidate Face. As she's walking off, Murdock just casually strums his guitar and starts singing (in her earshot, of course) "Diablo esta Nina..." Face joins in singing with him, and by the time Sosa's gone, they've hit the last high note and Murdock asks Face: "Doesn't 'diablo' mean 'devil'?" To which Face replies "YEAH, MAN!" 

What actually happened: Murdock is an unwilling witness to this woman (who broke Face's heart a couple years back) VERY effectively slicing, dicing and humiliating one of the most important people in his life (Murdock doesn't seem to have a family/life beyond those three). Face, well aware that B.A. and Murdock know how much she means to him, is hurt...and would be humiliated...if not for Murdock. By starting the song in her presence, Murdock undermines the seriousness of her entire exercise in verbal castration. 

By singing about how the devil is a woman, Murdock pretty much called out her unkindness. By picking a song Face knows, Face can join in, thereby reclaiming at least some of the satisfaction she apparently took in verbally abusing him. Murdock was there for his boy - showing his support, telling off the mean girl and giving Face a way to retain the dignity she tried so very hard to destroy. Murdock showed Face love. 

Ladies, I bet if you examine his behaviors, you'll see just how often your man does say "I love you". Gentlemen, if you use more words, she'll have an easier time recognizing those actions. Promise.